Just To Hold You
by StarKatt427
Summary: "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and I can't even hold you properly." "Then I'll hold you." Sometimes, a hug says more than words ever will. - Brotherhood/manga based.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the world of FullMetal Alchemist: Hiromu Arakawa is the creator. **

**A/N: Originally, I had planned to post this on the 25th, the second anniversary of my being on . However, my plans have changed, and so I'm posting it several days early. Recently, I rewatched Brotherhood, and while I was still in the early episodes, the idea for this story popped into my head. It took about three times to** **get it right, but I'm happy with the version you see below, and I hope you will be too. Just a note: While this can be in either the manga or Brotherhood universe, a specific scene I alluded to is taken from Volume 11, Chapter 43, Page 59 of the American addition.**

**I am leaving this marked "In-Progress" for now, as I have a second chapter in mind, but I'm not sure when I'll have time to work on it. Enjoy, and feel free to let me know what you thought ;)**

**StarKatt427**

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"What's it like?"

It was late into the night—early morning, just after one—that this quiet question was spoken; quiet, and yet Alphonse responded to it almost as if it was a yell and not the whisper it really was, especially since he had thought Edward to be asleep. He'd been drifting again, lost in the torrent of thoughts and memories that always came along with the darkness of night and the silence of three sleeping humans. Now being the only one who no longer required sleep, the words jerked him from his reflections rather than slumber, as it had been twelve days since he'd last slept.

Twelve days since the failed Transmutation, twelve days since they had been broken, changed, twelve days since Al had slept or cried or ate or had been able to feel anything, since he'd lost his body and Edward had lost an arm and leg. Up until yesterday, Ed had said near nothing, and all Alphonse had been able to do was watch his brother slip further and further away, bright topaz eyes dimming to hooded brass, and there had been nothing, absolutely nothing, he could say to save Ed from himself, unable to bring a response out of his older brother except for a haunted look Edward gave him every time he met the flashing red lights that were now Alphonse's eyes, and though he would never say it, that had hurt Al more than anything: As if Ed couldn't stand even looking at him, and it had nearly broken his heart.

Everything changed when the Lieutenant Colonel had come the day before and had somehow managed to get through to Edward, and Alphonse had never been so glad to see that familiar fire in his brother's eyes, see the sparks of hope and flamed determination. And when Ed had finally looked at him without those lifeless eyes, eyes that were instead filled with so much remorse and devotion and strength and purpose, and a hesitant, shy smile gracing his features, Al had never loved him more for being his big brother. Tomorrow, Granny and Winry would prep Edward for automail grafting, and then they would find a way to fix this.

The first step.

Lifting his helmet—head—he looked to where his brother lay, a horribly small shape that made Alphonse inwardly flinch. "What's what like?"

Edward was silent, and Al waited, just like he always did, knowing his brother was trying to put his thoughts together. Ed stared up at the ceiling for several long moments before turning to look at where Alphonse sat against the wall, and Al was immediately aware of the faraway look in his eyes, something painful and longing in his gaze, a pain that ran deep within his older brother, a pain Al was afraid would never go away and that made his soul ache. "Being awake at night. Not sleeping. Ever. What's it like?"

Alphonse had been unsure what to expect, but it wasn't that, and all he could do was stare at Ed in shocked silence, too surprised by the question sprung on him, as his brother watched him inquiringly. He tried to think of a response, but nothing came to mind that was a real answer, and he finally looked down, unable to quite meet those intense eyes, something inside him pounding. "It's hard to explain."

Edward turned to face him more, gaze becoming almost desperate. "Try," he urged, and though he did so gently, there was a sense of urgency in his voice that Al couldn't understand.

In all honesty, it wasn't so much that it was hard for Alphonse to explain, but it was that he didn't want to burden Ed with the knowledge. He was well aware that Edward thought the failed Transmutation and Al losing his body was his fault, but what he didn't understand was that Alphonse had been right beside him the whole while and had been so willingly. He wasn't sure how Ed would handle the knowledge of what the long, sleepless nights were like, or if he even could handle it in the still slightly fragile state he was in.

The only person Al had ever described it to was Winry the night after he'd brought Ed to her house, his head gripped in his hands and fear coursing through him as his mind was wrapped in darkness. With nearly two weeks in his new armor body, he'd had enough time to adjust to no longer requiring things like food and sleep, but that didn't make it any better. He missed being able to feel things, to smell and eat and taste, to sleep, because he had hours of solitude when his thoughts would slink away from the happy memories he tried to recall and trickle into blacker places late into the darkness, places he wished didn't exist within him that made him wonder if he would always been this massive, hulking being that was unable to feel. He didn't want Edward to know the reality.

But then he looked back into those eyes, into that face that was so hard for him to refuse, and then words were hesitantly leaving him, words that entered the world from a nonexistent mouth. "It's like…I feel tired, and I want to sleep, but it…just…doesn't come."

That was the only way he could illustrate it, the one way he could say it without admitting the loneliness, the pain and fear and ache, without upsetting Edward. The truth, but not the whole truth.

His brother watched him, eyes never wavering, but Al didn't miss his flinch. "Is it lonely?" he asked softly, timidly.

For the first time in his short life, Alphonse considered lying to him, _really _lying to him, something he'd never even contemplated because it was _Bother_, so that this conversation would be over and Edward would go to sleep, so that his brother wouldn't have to bear this, because he _knew _Edward, and he _knew _his brother would blame himself. Alphonse had always been honest, almost to a fault, which was odd because he could be a good liar when it was required, like when he'd hidden the fact that he and Ed had been preparing for Human Transmutation for years. However, when it came to Edward, he wasn't a very good liar, and his brother new him too well to be fooled by falsehoods. Still, he considered it for the pace of several heartbeats, even though he no longer had a physical heart to measure time with.

Once more, all it took was looking at Edward, recalling his hesitant voice and how breakable he sounded, and there was no way Alphonse could keep the truth from him. "Yes."

He said it without blame, but Edward's features contorted for half a second, like he'd been cracked across the face, and Alphonse felt one of his large hands twitch with want of smoothing the lines from his forehead, soothing him away from talk of such things. These endless nights were for Alphonse to bear alone, just as Edward would have to bear the pain of automail, and he honestly wasn't sure if his brother could handle much more, his slight shoulders already carrying so much weight.

Edward looked away from him, back to the ceiling, and all Al could do was watch after him, something inside him aching for tears that never came, unsure what to say and wishing he wasn't hindered by the armor; maybe if he'd still had his body, he wouldn't have felt so helpless, so useless.

The silence from earlier began to come back, a silence he'd grown so used to but hated so much, and Alphonse looked at his armored knees, trying to swallow a sigh as helplessness gnawed at his soul.

He didn't notice, but Edward's body tensed at the sound, though it was so quiet there was no way he should have been able to hear it. But it was Al, and just as Alphonse recognized any sound that exited Edward's lips, Ed knew the softest of sighs that came from his little brother.

The only sound was the crickets outside, and eventually, enough time passed for Alphonse to lose track of how many minutes it had been since their conversation had ended, for his mind to wander away from the mathematic equations he tried to work out and back toward the deepest recesses of the armor his soul occupied. He was in the middle of trying to pull himself back to happier times, memories of his mother and the feel of her arms as she lifted him up, of sticky sweet candy and Edward's carefree laugh as a child, when he heard the rustle of bed sheets. Lifting his helmet from his knees, he saw Edward sitting up, though with some difficulty, his hand resting on the mattress to prop himself up, and then Ed was staring at him, eyes never wavering from the pinpoints of light illuminating from Al's helmet. "Will you…uh…" Ed glanced down, not lifting his gaze. "Will you come over here and pick me up?"

For the second time in such a short while, Edward rendered Al astonished, and all he could do was stare back, noticing how very shy Edward sounded for the first time with him and wondering what in the world had brought this out in his brother. "What?"

Edward's hand fisted on the bed, and he ducked his head even more, if possible, but not enough to hide the embarrassed flush of color on his cheeks. "I just…wanted to sit with you, keep you company, since you don't sleep."

Something grew tight inside Al, painfully so, but it was also a good pain, and the ten-year-old boy he was wanted desperately to crawl over to Edward and hold him, but the armor that he was now wouldn't let him. Instead, his desire to protect Ed came first, and he gently but rationally pointed out, "But you _do _sleep."

Edward flicked his gaze up painfully, eyes large in his thin face. "I…I thought…"

A flash of grief, guilt for having brought up that uncertainty, had Alphonse wishing he'd kept his mouth shut and just did as Ed had asked. "Brother…" But there was nothing else he could say, nothing to fix this, and all he could was look at Edward, confused and aching.

His brother gave a halfhearted laugh, trying to brush their exchange off and failing. "It doesn't matter. Really."

But it did matter, Alphonse saw that now, and he hated himself for keeping Edward away; it was so rare that his brother willingly searched him out for comfort, and after the hell they'd been through, it wasn't really possible for him to deny Ed.

So Alphonse pushed himself up, the armor of his body creaking and clanking with every movement as he walked slowly to Edward's bed, watching Ed as he stared intently at his hand, his shoulders stiffening. Al reached him in just a few steps, and when he was standing right in front of him, Ed slowly began to turn his face upward.

Bending his knees, now eyelevel with Edward, Alphonse could hear the eleven-year-old's breathing quicken, Ed watching him with slightly large eyes, looking extremely young at the moment, enough to make Al _feel _younger. His shirt had slipped off his right shoulder so that Al could clearly see the bandages beneath, making another stab of hurt travel through him, knowing Ed had lost his arm to save him. Slowly, Edward slid his good leg out from beneath the blankets and turned more toward him, waiting, his good hand remaining a tight fist in the sheets.

Carefully, cautious because he was still adjusting to the newfound strength of this body, Alphonse leaned down, in, circling his large arms around Edward's small body, gauntlets on his back, and then Edward's arm came up, hand latching onto a crook in Al's armor. When he was sure Ed was securely in his arms, Al lifted him up, and though he couldn't feel it, he sensed his brother tighten his hold, saw his knuckles turn white in his grip. "I won't drop you," Alphonse assured softly.

Edward smiled slightly, leaning his head against his armor shoulder. "I know you won't."

Alphonse stood there like that, cradling him, soul swelling as he looked at the small body he held, arms somehow gentle, and it suddenly occurred to him that this was the first time he had held Edward since that night, the night he'd dragged his bleeding body to Granny's. Now, without the impending death and slick blood and overwhelming fear, he simply stood there for a moment, looking down into Ed's face as his brother looked back at him, messy bangs slightly obscuring his eyes. Then, slowly, Al carried him back to where he had been sitting every night for the last several days while Ed slept, careful in his hold as he slid down with his back to the wall and Edward still clinging to him.

Once he was sitting, Alphonse felt his brother loosen against him, turning so his back was curled into one of Al's large arms and his good leg was pulled up to his chest, head resting against the cold, unforgiving metal of Al's chest plate. It was a bit strange for Alphonse, who had been a few inches taller than Ed for the past few years, to know that he was now big enough for his older brother to lay in his lap, but he found he didn't mind in the slightest; this was the first time Ed had really let him get close to him since the night they'd lost their bodies, and it made Al's soul constrict.

Still, even though this act of affection was so rare and made more of an impact for this reason, Alphonse couldn't help but mentally frown. "This can't be comfortable," he pointed out, knowing there was no way the icy armor could make a nice bed and afraid Ed would catch cold.

"Well, it is," Edward answered quickly, and Al couldn't help but chuckle softly at his brother's childishness. He saw Edward shiver slightly, but instead of turning away, he nuzzled into Alphonse.

"Brother, please, let me take you back to bed."

"No."

Al exhaled softly, wishing he had at least grabbed a pillow for Edward as he looked down at him. And though Edward was right there, Al felt traces of loneliness crop up inside him, because while they were touching and close enough for Alphonse to see the flecks of lighter gold that the moonlight reflected in Ed's eyes, that didn't change the fact that it felt like there was a distance between them, a chasm separating them, that each wanted to step across but neither knew exactly how to.

Edward's eyes were closed stubbornly, hand curled against Al's chest, his skin still a little pale and drawn, and Alphonse felt a deep surge of protectiveness for the older boy. Edward was still recovering from the trauma of losing two limbs and so much blood, and it worried Al that while he had regained his old enthusiasm, he still looked so weak at times, with dark circles beneath his eyes and lack of his usual immense appetite. The next day would begin his automail surgery, but was he really ready for it?

"Brother?"

"What, Al?" Edward asked, clearly expecting another argument about him staying in the younger boy's lap.

"You start automail surgery tomorrow."

Alphonse watched as Ed quickly looked up at him, gaze a bit surprised before his brows pulled down over honest eyes and a slight smile. "Yeah."

"Are…are you scared?" Alphonse asked.

Traces of a smile still on his lips, Ed leaned back against him, blinking slowly. "A little. I know…it's gonna hurt. A lot. But that's not really why…"

Confused, Al leaned down a little closer to try and get Ed to meet his gaze. "Then what?"

Ed looked at him from underneath his lashes, then turned away, pulling his limbs in closer to himself and looking even smaller. "I don't want you to have to see me like that."

Once more, there was that need to cry that nearly consumed Al, and he couldn't say anything.

"I am going to do this," Edward assured him, finally lifting his eyes and keeping them locked with Al's. "I am. I just…" He rested his forehead against the chilled armor, sighing tiredly. "I just don't want to be weak. I have no idea how hard this is gonna be, so what if I…what if I'm not as strong as I think I am? What if I can't handle it without…?"

Crying. Breaking down. There were so many possibilities that Ed was scared to admit to. He was afraid for himself, but more than that was the fear of breaking down in front of Al, the younger boy realized with an enormous amount of sadness, because Edward had always been his rock, and he was suddenly aware that Ed wasn't sure how to handle the fact that he might not be the strength Al needed.

Edward really could be silly sometimes, though there were reasons for this type of silliness, and Alphonse could almost feel himself smiling as he touched a hand to Ed's good shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. Ed shook beneath his hand and slowly looked up at him, so unsure that Alphonse, not for the first time, felt like he was really the older one. "You gave up your arm for me, Brother. If that's not strength, then nothing is. No matter what happens tomorrow or for the next year or for the rest of our lives, remember that, and remember that I have faith in you."

Alphonse had never said anything like this; it was just a known fact that he trusted Edward with everything that he was. But as for his brother, Al knew that Ed needed to hear this, needed to know just how much he meant to him. Soul smiling, he gently rubbed Edward's shoulder.

Ed stared up at him with large eyes, mouth open on words that wouldn't come. Then, slowly, he smiled, knocking his head against Al's armor and laughing thickly. "You're…really something, you know that?"

Al just laughed.

Several minutes passed like this, Edward leaning against Al with his eyes open wide and obviously fighting sleep, both of them remaining still and saying nothing. Eventually, the glow of Alphonse's eyes dimmed as they always did when he called himself inward, resting, in a sense, though there was no real rest for one without a body.

_Pat._

Immediately pulled from himself, Alphonse looked down to see a small hand pressed to his chest plate, Edward looking at his hand with morbidly thoughtful eyes. He let his finger stroke over the cool metal, reminding Al of a time long ago when he'd been sick and unable to sleep, Edward patting clumsily at his cheek for a minute, then slowly brushing his fingers over the side of his face and around his ear, eventually putting him to sleep. The memory was comforting, but when he looked back at Ed's face, he felt suddenly sad. "I don't know what its like to not sleep," Edward said quietly, placing his hand where Al's heart would be.

A hiccupped sound exited the armor, but no real tears came, and all Alphonse could was look into the sleepy, burdened face below him, into eyes brimming with sorrow. After a moment's debate, he lifted a large gauntlet that shook ever so slightly and placed his palm to Edward's cheek, watching his brother turn his eyes to him, shimmering gold, and Ed's trembling hand moved to latch onto one of his giant fingers. "I hope you never have to know," he answered, voice catching on unseen tears.

Edward's lip quivered, but he quickly bit down on it and held tight to Al's hand, pulling him closer, eyes shutting. A tired smile spread across his features, more miserable than anything, and his eyes opened, staring at nothing as he laughed morosely. "Look at me. I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and I can't even hold you properly," he said thickly, laugh getting choked.

Al could imagine how his breath would hitch in his lungs, could almost feel his eyes fill with tears that spilled over as his soul began to cry, because he had _never _heard Edward say anything like this to him, to anyone. Ache and want and pain and sorrow and happiness fought for domination within him, but his emotions seemed to settle on a mix of them all, and it filled him with so much more love than an ordinary child new or understood.

Gently, ever so gently, he lifted Edward up, ignoring his questioning gaze, raising him by his waist and settling him against his large body, and he heard Edward suck in a breath as he positioned him so that their chests were touching, Al's arms wrapped delicately around Edward's back, and the older boy's heart thudding against the armor. "Then I'll hold you."

He felt a shake radiate through the metal, and then Edward's arm wrapped around him as best he could, holding onto him tightly, fiercely, face buried against what would be his neck. For several silent minutes, Al could faintly feel Edward's body shudder, hear his breathing catch, and except for this, there were no other signs that he was crying.

Once the little body he held went still, Alphonse, stroking a hand up his back, said softly, "Sleep, Brother. I'm right here."

"You'll be alone, though," came a sleepy, thick reply, one that had Alphonse silently smiling.

"It's okay. Tonight, I don't feel so alone anymore."

It was only a few minutes later that Edward's body went limp, and once Al was sure he wasn't going to wake up, he carefully stood as to not jolt the sleeping boy and carried him back to bed, laying him down gently and covering him to his chin. He touched a hand to Ed's face, sticky tear marks visible on his skin, and Al laughed softly when his brother leaned into him.

Pulling his hand away, Alphonse began to walk back to the corner, back to the other side of the chasm that had divided them, but stopped when he became aware that he was being tugged back, and when he turned around, he saw Ed's hand holding onto his finger, keeping him bound to him even in sleep. Not sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry, Al sat down of the floor beside his bed, never breaking Edward's hold, and he watched over him that night, not once tiring of seeing his chest rise and fall with breath or brushing the hair from his eyes or calming him when he happened to get lost in an especially violent dream.

And he was happy, for the first time in twelve days.

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When morning came and Ed woke, he instinctively looked over to his left where he knew Al would be, and when their eyes met, neither said anything.

The squeeze Edward gave Al's finger was enough, and though Alphonse couldn't feel it, he saw it, and that was enough for now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the world of FullMetal Alchemist: Hiromu Arakawa is the creator. **

**A/N: Just like with the previous chapter, this one gave me fits to write, even though it's shorter! And even though I don't believe it is as well written as Chapter One, I hope you all still like it. I'd planned to have it out sooner, but with school starting back and my own personal writing taking up more of my time, it's taken longer than expected. I'd intended to post this on the first of September, but with Hurricane Isaac coming in on where I live, I have no idea how long I might lose electricity. So...you get it early!**

**Although it's marked as complete, I do hope to post a final chapter eventually, but at a later date.**

**Also, if you're a regular reader of my FMA work, or anything else that I write, I would appreciate it if you check out my profile and look under NEWS & UPDATES, because I'm making an announcement that you may or may not be interested in.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed so far, and enjoy! **

**StarKatt427**

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When Edward Elric finally laid down, it quickly became obvious that he was not meant to sleep. Which, he thought, was strange, since he could feel the waves of exhaustion radiating off of his body as tiredness crept up on his mind, but it didn't quite grasp him enough to pull him under. Generally, he had no trouble falling asleep no matter the time or place, but now, an hour before midnight, sleep refused him, and he was left trying to shut off the gush of thoughts that still swirled in his head. He'd run over all of Central with Alphonse for two days now, searching for that damned, weird looking cat thing and the squirt it belonged to, only to come up with no sightings, and to make things even worse, they'd run into Selim Bradley, the Fuhrer's son, at the library after learning that the girl with the weird alchemy—alkahestry—was heading North. Then somehow, due to Selim's persistence, they'd ended up at the Fuhrer's estate with Mrs. Bradley, and, to make things more complicated, King Bradley himself, the Homunculus Wrath, had made an appearance.

Maybe that was why he couldn't fall asleep, because he was still thinking about all the knew knowledge he'd become aware of in the last several days. The Fuhrer of Amestris was actually a Homunculus, there was a bearded old man living below the city that looked almost exactly like Hohenheim, and he'd actually seen Al's body—his real, human body—at The Portal. It was a lot to take in, but the one that had the biggest impact on him was that his brother's body was still alive, even if it was emaciated and ragged, hair long and falling over his features, the one eye visible unnaturally large in a bony face and smile filled with sadness, barely able to stand, bones jutting out from beneath pale skin. Now that he was out of The Portal, away from Al's body, Ed could really grasp just how bad of condition his little brother's body was in, and it made his stomach knot with guilt and determination. If Al's body needed his soul, Edward would find a way to reconnect them, then take his brother out of that place and destroy anything that got in his path.

Flopping onto his back, he turned his head to look over at his brother's figure—large, metal armor, so familiar that Edward actually felt affection for the thing that had once scared him when he was little. But this was because of the soul it housed, and Edward never forgot that fact when he looked into his brother's red eyes, lifted his automail hand to rap his knuckles to the metal chest. Now, Alphonse was sitting on the floor in between the room's other bed and the wall, just enough space for his massive figure, his head bowed and the lights in his helmet dimmed, the closest he could get to sleep. And just as he always did when he saw his brother like this, Edward wished more than anything that he could trade places with him, let Al sleep and force himself to stay awake, since he couldn't yet get Alphonse back to normal.

Edward closed his eyes, inhaling slow breaths through his nose as he tried to close his mind off. Tomorrow, they would be catching an early train North to meet Major Armstrong's sister and find that little Xingese brat, May Chang. They needed to learn about alkahestry from her; if it was primarily used in the medicinal field, maybe there was a chance he could use it to get Al back in his body. He needed rest, _real _rest, and it just wasn't coming.

He kept thinking back to the Bradley family, Mrs. Bradley smiling happily at her son and husband, Selim laughing as the Fuhrer said how proud he was of him…and Wrath, who was just playing along, acting like he loved them and feigning the part of husband and father his family image required. That meeting with him the other day after returning from below Central, plus the one just a few hours ago, had been way too stressful, and seeing the way he fooled his wife and son had made Edward feel deep sadness. They weren't a real family.

Real family…

"_I'm sure, of course, it's quite different from yours."_

Edward was suddenly aware of how true this was. While Bradley played house and seemed to have the ideal life to the outward onlooker, it wasn't real, not like Ed knew his was. Compared to the Fuhrer's, most would say Edward's was broken and little, and that was true, but that didn't mean it was false. He had Granny, the old woman like a real grandmother to him, so stubborn and caring and almost as easily riled about her height as he was. There was Winry, always welcoming him and Al home with a smile, fixing his arm and crying for him, like a…no, she wasn't a sister. Edward frowned; he'd have to figure that out later. Teacher was also family, as was Sig, both scary as hell but secretly soft. And, the most important person in his life, Alphonse, his little brother, his right arm, his best friend and alchemic equal, his better half.

Edward sighed.

Yes, his family _was _a lot different that Wrath's. Ed really loved his family.

"Brother?"

Edward looked to see Alphonse watching him alertly, and he remembered that his brother usually picked up on the quietest sounds in the still night. "Hmm?"

"You alright?"

He threw his arms up behind his head, exhaling loudly. "Guess so. Can't sleep, is all."

"You need your rest. We leave early for Briggs in the morning."

Edward couldn't help but smile at his brother's concern for his well being, even when it wasn't required, Al's ability to always put him first and often act like a parent, always the one to make sure Ed slowed down before he actually crashed. And maybe he needed someone to do that, though he knew he put Al through hell at times; maybe he needed someone to watch out for him, even if he'd never actually say it. "I know. I'm trying…" _But I can't slow down this time._

Behind closed eyes, thoughts tore through his consciousness and made his open ended statement true, and Edward swallowed another sigh, more aggravated this time. He had to let everything go for now, to stop worrying about Wrath and the old geezer down below. But not Alphonse; he couldn't stop worrying about his brother's body, not now that he was sure it was still there, waiting.

After another several minutes without any sign of oncoming sleep, Edward stared up at the ceiling, fist clenching the sheets as he shoved down Wrath's face when he'd compared their families. And then there was Al's as he'd been years ago, face still lined with roundness and pale hair short and soft, smiling at him in a way that Ed wouldn't trade for the world. But then there was his face as he'd last seen it, hollow eyed and pallid, hair brittle over his face, smile so sad that it had nearly torn Edward apart; when he'd burst through The Portal, though, he had seen the amazement on his brother's face, the slow, less melancholic smile.

Ed stared once more at Alphonse, at his armor body that was so much bigger than him.

And abruptly sat up, then quietly slipped out of bed and began walking toward him.

Al heard the sound of his uneven footsteps, one flesh and the other automail against the floor, and Edward watched him look up to meet his gaze as he slid around the other bed. Confusion was wrapped in his voice. "Brother?"

Stopping to stand before Al, Ed shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, unable to hide his smile as his brother's soft inquiry. "You looked lonely. Oh! Almost forgot." He deftly reached for the bed nearest and yanked the neatly made sheets off with one hand and grabbed the pillow with the other, turning back to Al and grinning smugly. "Now you can't complain about me being uncomfortable or cold."

Alphonse was silent, clearly trying to figure him out, but he slowly nodded.

Without thinking too much about it, Edward quickly spread the blankets partway over his brother's icy body and slumped into him, covering himself up so that Al wouldn't complain, then shoving the pillow behind his head and leaning back against him.

Silence. Except for the way his heart was beating loudly from moving so quickly, Edward heard nothing.

Then: "Um, Brother?"

He closed his eyes and frowned. "What?"

"Why…? I mean…"

"Like I said. You looked lonely."

Only, that wasn't it. It was Edward who suddenly felt lonely, far away and strangely trapped, even though it was Alphonse who truly was encaged in the armor. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt this hollowness, how it had managed to sneak up on him, and he relaxed more against Alphonse's body, trying to imagine that he was sinking into him and receiving the comfort he could tell a portion of himself needed.

Part of it was due to the fact that he'd been running himself ragged the last several days, pushing himself only more so when he'd worked with Al at deciphering Doctor Marco's research and when he'd gotten a lead on the Philosopher's Stone in the years past. But the main reason came from the fact that he knew he would receive console from his little brother because Al was just a natural when it came to calming his restless soul and making him feel a little more peaceful. Even with the guilt and fear he often felt when it came to Al, nothing was more powerful than the desire to protect him and love him, just as he knew it was with his brother.

Alphonse had always been like this, but not quite as much when they were small because their mother had still been alive and had kept them both safe. But after she died, both he and Al had begun to watch out for each other, and by the time of their failed Transmutation, Edward had become sure he wouldn't survive without his brother. Al was the one who never rejected him, turned him away or gave up on him, the one who had helped him through the sleepless nights and burning delirium of automail surgery and recovery. Those following months had been hell, that was for sure, and even more so since he'd forced his body to adapt to foreign limbs in only one year. Fever and aches became common, as did throwing up, and he could remember an especially rough night not long after his ports had first been installed. He'd thrown up off an on most of the day, but there was nothing much in his stomach to expel; still, the need to fight off the sickness was too much, and he had woken from some state of sleep to try and turn over before he threw up blood all over himself, only just barely succeeding, and that was thanks to Al. Luckily, his brother had been watching him that night, so when Ed had woken, clawing at the sheets and trying to pull himself over the side of the bed, Alphonse had lifted him up so that he could vomit into a bucket, his sweat covered body jerking as he'd thrown up bile and blood, tearing at the port in his shoulder and trying to get rid of the pain, trying to be strong and not make Alphonse see him like this but too weak to pull away from his brother's hold, ashamed to be so pathetic when his little brother had it so much worse.

When his stomach had settled, he'd collapsed against Al, nearly unconscious, shivering and gasping, blood in his mouth and thin trails trickling down his chin, and Alphonse had reached out like it was the most natural thing in the world and gently wiped a palm over his mouth.

He could remember looking up at him, vision going in and out, refusing to cry and silently begging his brother to stay with him. And he'd shakily latched onto the large gauntlet, keeping it to his face until his vision finally went black and he passed out in Alphonse's arms.

He watched out for Ed, even when Edward did a poor job of taking care of Alphonse, who was, despite appearances, still a child in many ways. He would never lose that soft laughter that reminded Ed of their mother, or his strong sense of justice and the kindness of his soul. And he would always, no matter how many times he doubted himself, be the strongest, best person Edward would ever know.

Edward sighed, letting his head rest against his brother's armor with a soft _thunk_, eyes closing as the loneliness bit at him. Because he missed his brother, being able to feel his warmth and see his smile and throw an arm around his skinny shoulders. He missed those gentle eyes and that carefree laughter that didn't ring metallically. He missed Al.

"You know, you have to tell me what's wrong, if you want me to help."

Edward smiled, keeping his eyes closed. "Who says I want your help?"

The sound of metal scraping signaled his brother was looking at him now, and Al said, voice a little worried, "It's not everyday that you crawl in my lap, Brother. Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Eyes opening, Edward lifted his automail hand and placed it over Al's chest plate, right where his heart would have been, and sighed, horrified at how the sound shook slightly. "Everything. You're body's still gone and I can't do anything but wait. We have no leads on how to get back to normal expect for a little kid that's probably already in the North by now, the Fuhrer's a homunculus and Ling's gone and everything just feels screwed up." He pulled his hand into a fist, staring at the steel limb Winry crafted for him, her face flashing momentarily before his eyes. "Winry's in danger now because of us, and you're soul might be rejected at any moment, and then I'd—"

_Be alone. _Edward closed his eyes, exhaling a shaken breath. "I just…really need this right now." He hadn't intended to say so much, but the words had come unbidden. Embarrassed and feeling unstable, Ed looked up at his brother, who listened in silence. "Is that okay?"

He heard the startled sound Al made, watched his brother stare back at him, and he waited. And then, to his shock, Alphonse laughed, a very short sound that wasn't exactly amused, more like he was laughing to keep from breaking apart. "Do you even need to ask?"

Edward smiled slightly, letting out a sighed laugh. "I guess not."

Al raised a hand and let it hover uncertainly, then began to pull it away, but at the last minute placed it gently against Ed's shoulder. "Listen, Brother," he began in that gentle yet sure way he had. "I don't know what's going to happen any more than you do. Maybe we won't find anything with that little girl, but maybe we'll find the answer to everything. And maybe…my soul _will _be rejected."

Panic shot fast through Ed, and he reached back and latched onto the hand on his shoulder. "Al, hang on a second—"

"But maybe it won't," Alphonse interrupted softly, managing to calm him ever so slightly. "And I'm going to fight it with everything I've got. I'm not going anywhere, Brother."

"You don't know that," Ed argued, gripping Al's hand tightly, almost desperate to know that he was still there, remembering the moment when he had vanished into The Portal four years ago. "You…did once already."

Alphonse sighed, slightly exasperated, a tactic Ed knew he used sometimes when he was trying to not let himself become too emotional. "Edward, I am not leaving you." He felt the hand that held his shoulder tighten its grip slightly. "I know we can't always be together, but as long as we're still there to find our way back, that's all we need. So we'll get through this, just like we always do."

Edward looked up at him steadily, the flashes of pain passing and settling into an comforting stillness that he only knew with Al. He smiled shakily, letting his head drop. "How come you always know how to make me feel better?"

"Because I'm your brother," Al said simply. "I know you."

"And I know you."

That was one of the greatest truths in Edward's life: He truly did understand his little brother. They worked so well together, like two hearts born at the same moment but birthed a year apart, mirroring each other's movements and sensing when something was on the other's mind. Edward reached around and gently lifted Al's hand from his shoulder, holding it between both of his thoughtfully. "You know, we've been through so much crap together. But, in a way, I don't regret some of the things we've done. Our mistakes have made us who we are today. I know…I'm not anywhere near as good as I should be, but I want to get there. And maybe…maybe, if we keep trying, we'll become better. And maybe, one day, I'll be good enough." _For you. For Winry and Granny. For Teacher. For everyone._

There was a light pressure against his hair, and he looked up to see Al brushing his other hand on top of his head, just like he had done to Al so many times before and still did now. He could almost see his brother's smile, and he could hear it fully. "You really are silly sometimes. Haven't you figured out yet that you already are?"

Edward laughed, curling in closer to Al, no longer quite as lonely and suddenly beginning to feel sleepy. How odd, that all it took was a few minutes with his brother to calm him enough for sleep. He closed his eyes. "Alphonse?"

It was rare that Ed called his brother by his full first name, only in times of dire need and in quiet moments such as this. Al sensed it. "What?"

Edward smiled, leaning his head against Al's body and smiling up at him, a small smile that only his little brother ever saw, one that was calm and surprisingly sweet and strong. "When I get you backing your body, I'm gonna give you a real hug. I _will _be able to hold you again. I promise."

He heard his brother's sharp intake of breath, felt a slight quiver radiate through the armor. For Alphonse, who had always been especially affectionate, touch was something to be cherished even more so now that he longer had his human body, and Edward knew just what he was guaranteeing.

Large arms came around him for a moment, and Al's voice was so gentle when he spoke that it made Ed's heart smile. "Okay then. I'm looking forward to it."


End file.
